


When Personality Is Scarred Tissue

by Sunshinecackle



Series: Nail It To The Cross [4]
Category: South Park
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Firkle is very dangerous, Gay, M/M, Michael musings, Michael-centric, Michael/Pete Past Relationship, Slash, Stan Marsh/Pete Thelman Mention, Yaoi, mlm, violence mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29319234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunshinecackle/pseuds/Sunshinecackle
Summary: Firkle was the one person in town that would affirm Michael’s fears about love. Michael was drowning in the need he had for the younger goth.
Relationships: Michael/Firkle Smith
Series: Nail It To The Cross [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1299599
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	When Personality Is Scarred Tissue

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, it’s me again! Anyway, I’ve been wanting to get back into South Park fic, and of course, Michael/Firkle is high on my list. So, here’s some Michael-musing stuff about his feelings for Firkle. I really think I just needed to get some stuff out. Hopefully, I can keep working on writing. I’d like to keep pouring out words. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Michael wasn’t sure when it happened.

The skip of his heartbeat, the late nights spent writing the darkest of love poems, the way he held his breath whenever  _ he _ walked into a room. His hands would grow clammy sometimes, and when he saw those blue eyes roll, the pout of those purple-painted lips around his cheap cigarettes, Michael’s mouth went dry and his brain fizzled out.

Everything that Firkle did drove him absolutely wild, and even while he dated Pete, he was pining for the younger goth. It wasn’t fair to Pete, and he knew that, but deep down he also knew that Pete wasn’t right for him. That justified it for him for a while, made him feel vindicated in his emotional affair, even as he denied that the emotions were even there. What Pete didn’t know, he wouldn’t get yelled at for.

All they did was fight, anyway. Pete wanted him to be someone he wasn’t, and Michael wanted to be able to be who he  _ was _ . Their fighting had grown from childish arguments to nearly becoming physical, and it was on the night that Michael almost hit him that Pete ended it for good. Last Michael knew he’d run off to hide at Stan’s apartment and hadn’t crawled back out. He knew that they were better for each other. Stan would treat Pete well and Pete had been digging out a pit in his heart for the drunken idiot for years, now. It would be better off this way.

Firkle, on the other hand, knew  _ exactly  _ how Michael was and he  _ encouraged _ it.

The cruelties that Firkle orchestrated went so far above what Michael thought himself capable of. He knew he was mean, he could hurt someone without caring, those things were easy. But Firkle… Firkle could kill, he  _ would _ kill, and it was one of the few things in life that made his eyes light up like a kid on Christmas. He loved to see others suffer, maybe even lived for it, and Michael was in awe of his every bloody, depraved movement. 

Of course, falling in love with the most sadistic killer in town leant itself to failure. If Michael made one wrong move, the rabid fox he’d trapped himself with would rip out his throat. There was something about knowing that he was just as replaceable, just as  _ useless _ to Firkle as anyone else in town that really set his heart ablaze. One second, he could be Firkle’s entire purpose, and the next, he was kindling for his flames.

Michael craved both states of being like they were the only things that breathed life into his aching lungs. 

Firkle had never been something that would be tamed. He was a whirlwind, a wild animal hellbent on staying that way. There was no breaking him, there was nothing but being trampled in his wake.

Michael knew that he had signed his death warrant the minute he’d fallen in love with Firkle Smith. Love had always terrified him, and here he was, falling for the one person in the world that would rip his heart out and feed it to him. It was ironic that things always seemed to work out like that.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, there we have it! Just a little vague think-piece I guess? Wanted to write a little headcanon-y stuff and I’m not even entirely sure what to say about it. Hope you guys liked it!


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